


closing the distance

by zanni



Category: Sarai-ya Goyou | House of Five Leaves
Genre: First Time, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 20:45:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11471361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zanni/pseuds/zanni
Summary: “And what is it,” Yaichi says, “that you would like me to give?”The darkness is filled with Masa’s heartbeat, fast and loud, and those big eyes are staring at him again, so wide, so vulnerable, Yaichi wants to devour him. But he stays still, waiting for an answer, as a cat about to jump on its prey.“Any-- anything you wish.”





	closing the distance

Sitting with his back turned to Masa, Yaichi lets the kimono fall down to his waist. The scars from the lashing have been healing thanks to Masa’s care, who made sure to procure medicine before they left Edo, and has been applying it gently to his back every night. But they will never fully disappear, as the prison marks on his arm will not. Both more hideous and noticeable than the maple leaf scar ever was.

 

“I am sorry you have to look at this.”

  
“Yaichi-dono... “ He shivers when Masa touches him. The ointment is cool, but he does not think that is the reason. “Each of these scars means you are alive. And as such, I hope you will forgive my selfishness, but I cannot hate them as you do.”

  
Yaichi lowers his head, a sad smile forming on his lips, but Masa cannot see it. As if Masa needed forgiveness for anything, after everything he had given up for his sake. It is just like Heiza told him before: _“When Akitsu got dow on his knees in the middle of the street and bowed his head... the thought crossed my mind... that he might be your Yaichi from now on.”_ It is indeed something Yaichi would say, something Yaichi would do – apply a balm to his body at the same time he applies one to his soul. But the way Masa’s touch and adoring eyes make him feel are very different from what he felt as a child. He trembles, another shiver up his spine.

  
“Yaichi-dono, are you cold?”

“I’m fine. You can continue.”

It would have been easy when they both lived at Katsura-ya. Drinking sake in a private room, Yaichi gracefully reclined like a cat, pale skin showing, voice smooth and sly and seductive, so close to Masa that he could feel his nervousness without even looking at him. He teased him about the girls, about him needing lessons in how to deal with them, but he never took it further than a joke. He amused himself with only the suggestion. Masa was easy to read, but unpredictable in his reactions, and Yaichi didn’t want anything to change then.  
 

But things had changed, as they tend to, unexpectedly.

  

“You’re ready."

  
“Thank you.” Yaichi says as he covers himself.

   
“I am glad you are more relaxed around me now.”

   
“Oh? Are you implying I’m the one who was anxious before?” He looks over his shoulder to see a slightly blushing Masa. He may have changed but not in every aspect. Yaichi’s eyes soften and he turns around to face him properly. Masa continues, in his peaceful and sincere way of speaking.

   
“No... but... How to put it? I do not feel a wall between us anymore. I am still drawn to you but it’s... comfortable.”

   
“Well. You know all about me now, don’t you? You’ve seen me at my most pathetic. There is nothing left to hide.”

   
“You are not pathetic, Yaichi-dono.”

   
“Am I not? We have been on the road for five days and you have been taking care of me as if I were a child.”

   
“I... I apologize if it seems so. That has never been my intention.”

   
“Do you not disdain me still?” It’s a shame, they were so well only a few minutes ago, but Yaichi cannot stop provoking him. He doesn’t want apologies; he deserves Masa’s anger, if only for a little, not this never-ending kindness. “You have even more reasons to do so now. I stole your last chance to return home.”

   
“Why are you saying that...?” Masa’s voice is shaking, but he seems to be getting more sad than angry. “I swore I would protect you.”

   
“You are no longer a samurai, you will never be one again. There is no need to keep that vow.”

   
“But I wish to do it still. Yaichi-dono and the Five Leaves are precious to me. And we are important to you as well, so I will not leave you.” There it is. That fierce honesty that would leave any other man vulnerable and ridiculous, but which in Masa is a strength and a charm. Yaichi feels weak and turns his face away from the unwavering gaze. He has truly become pathetic.

   
Masa gets up and prepares their futons. His voice is calmer, but not quite its usual soothing tone. “We have a long way to walk tomorrow, Yaichi-dono, so we should get some sleep. It is not every day we can enjoy a comfortable rest.”

   
Yaichi nods.

  

*** 

  

The room is tiny, the cheapest they could find, and the futons are together side by side as a result. In the shadows, Yaichi can see Masa’s unmoving back turned to him, and the absence of his faint snores makes him feel guilty. It is not strange for Yaichi to be awake, afraid to sleep even if his body has been sore for months, but Masa usually falls asleep right away.

   
“Masa.”

   
“Yaichi-dono. You cannot sleep?”

   
“Obviously.”

   
He feels Masa stiffen further and he sighs. That’s not what he meant to say. Trying to be honest has been making him unpleasant. He opens his mouth to speak again but is interrupted before he can even start.

   
“I thought there was less of a distance between us, but perhaps I was mistaken. Perhaps... sharing one’s feelings is always complicated, even when there are no secrets anymore.” He shifts to face the ceiling and Yaichi can hear the smile in his voice better than he can see it. “But that is alright. I will only take what you’re willing to give, Yaichi-dono.”

   
There he goes again, saying things normal people do not say out loud. Things that are always true. He remembers Katsura-ya once more. Suggestions are not enough anymore, he too wants to close the distance, and if Masa has not been scared away in all of their time together, this will not be what does it. Masa will not leave him. He is his Yaichi... and more.

   
So he sits up and before Masa can question him, he is above him, pinning him to the floor without touching him. Their faces so close, he can feel Masa’s breath on his lips.

   
“And what is it,” Yaichi says, “that you would like me to give?”

   
The darkness is filled with Masa’s heartbeat, fast and loud, and those big eyes are staring at him again, so wide, so vulnerable, Yaichi wants to devour him. But he stays still, waiting for an answer, as a cat about to jump on its prey.

   
“Any-- anything you wish.”

   
So Yaichi closes the space between them.

 

 

“It’s alright,” he whispers, placing his hand over Masa’s thundering heart. He is too inexperienced or nervous to know how to react, so Yaichi kisses him again, his tongue slowly tasting Masa’s warm lips, making him gasp. Yaichi kisses his jaw, his cheek, his ear. He can feel Masa’s face still burning but he seems to have relaxed slightly, so he brings Masa’s hand closer, letting his lips brush the inside of his wrist. “You can touch me too. Keep me close so I don’t drift away.”

   
And Masa does. He cups his face in his strong hand, and Yaichi leans into the touch, like he has been wishing to do so for a long time. Maybe he has. Masa is the one kissing him now, awkward and gentle and sweet, _and so Masa_ , Yaichi cannot contain a smile.

   
He pulls back and sits on Masa’s hips, rolling his own as he straightens his back, making Masa whimper. His kimono slowly slips from his shoulders and his voice is a purr: “What do you want, Masa?”

   
“I... I want you... Yaichi-dono...”

 

  

He guides him through it. And Masa is so caring, the warmness of his body so inviting, that Yaichi feels as if he has never been intimate with anyone before, not truly. He was the boss’s favorite for more than his eyes, but at the time he was cold and empty, simply doing what he was told. And while the women were beautiful and knew how to please (used to men’s roughness earlier than Yaichi had been), they were always paid, and his own carefree approach only a farce.

   
It had taken Masa for sex to reach his heart.

   
It had taken Masa for so many things.

 

  

Soft sounds escape his lips as he comes, Masa still inside him. Masa himself is louder and Yaichi kisses him, quieting his moans. He lets him catch his breath before teasing him.

   
“Hush now... We don’t want anyone finding us like this, do we?”

   
He is still straddling Masa, who widens his eyes and then covers his face in embarrassment, only now remembering the small size of the room, the thin walls, how close the other sleeping customers of the inn must be. Yaichi gets off him and rolls over, thankful for the proximity of the futons after all. He observes Masa as he covers them both and proceeds to stare at the ceiling. He seems to be struggling with something still. Yaichi sighs. They do not have to talk about it, but this is Masa, so of course they will. He might as well begin.

   
“Do you regret it?”

  
“No!” Masa promptly replies. “I am glad.” He then pauses and takes a deep breath. “Was I... adequate?”

   
Yaichi wants to laugh but Masa is throwing him such a pleading look he controls himself. “Yes. More than adequate. Is that all?”

   
He seems satisfied with the answer, so Yaichi turns to the other side and closes his eyes. Masa’s arm wraps around him, his soft snores closely following.

  
For the first time in months, Yaichi is able to sleep.


End file.
